It has been more than a year since I released my thoughts through the keyboard. There are a few reasons behind this, excuses really, that can be used to explain why. School had me busy, my kids have busy schedules, I worked on a political campaign that forced me to keep my opinions to myself, I began working in the real world full time... The truth is, at some point, I lost the passion.
I stopped making time to create a story to match my thoughts. I stopped caring about the deepest joy that can only be achieved through writing. I simply quit doing what I need to do for me, and got lost in who and what I needed to be doing for everyone else. Looking at myself from this perspective, I realize just how very unhappy I am - not with my life or my family, but with me for allowing myself to become so lost. However, it's not an overwhelming sense of caring that has brought the tap tap tap back to my keyboard... and an overwhelming sense of NOT caring.
I login to Facebook and all I see is uniformed political notions formed by mainstream media or off the wall internet "expert" websites. I see those who have never babysat, much less raised a child, give advice and pass judgement on parents they've never known. I see racism, sexism, and body image obsession... and then, I log off of Facebook and see it everywhere else as well. But, here is the thing.... I don't care about what you have to say about anything anymore than you care about what I have to say about anything.
I don't care if you believe that we go to Heaven when we die or if we reabsorb into the earth and eventually become cow shit. I don't care if you think that George Zimmerman was a victim when he killed a 17 year old, or if you think that the 17 year old was merely walking down the street and became the victim of a violent crime. I don't care if you think that Obama is solely responsible for the attacks on Benghazi or if you think that Bush staged 9-11. The truth is, we all have our standpoints, we all have our reasons for those views...
but just because you speak the loudest does not mean that you are
heard. YOU are not right.... and neither am I. All of it is avoidance of what is truly important in the world.
Which leads me to my next point... WHAT is important? What's important is the few years that we have on this earth, and how we choose to spend it. How we choose to treat the people that we share that time with, and what kind of people that we want to be. It doesn't matter which deity you choose to worship, it doesn't matter if you approve or disapprove of who loves who, it doesn't matter who you voted for or why.....it doesn't even matter that your opinion doesn't matter. What matters is that you look back at the end of your life and say:"I treated everyone that I came into contact with during my life with the same respect and courtesy that I myself expected to receive."
I spent Labor Day weekend - and the week following - truly coming to terms with what is important in this miniscule life of ours. I looked into the eyes of a young mother to see her raw emotion exposed. I heard disbelief and fear in a fathers voice from across the world. And, I kissed a baby that made all of my struggles and accomplishments mean nothing. In those moments - it didn't matter who the president of the United States was, it didn't matter which God you worshipped, and it didn't matter how many times a week you went to the gym or what you had for dinner. What mattered was that I dammed my tears, choked back the vomit in my throat, stood up tall, and did what I had to do for who was the most important at the time. After that week, life returned to what could be called normal for my little family. I, however, have not been able to stop thinking about the "what if's" of life.
What if there really is a Christian God that is looking down on all of us, determining right from wrong. Will He be mad at me for believing in Gay marriage and not going to church... or would He be happy with the person that I am despite of me?
What if there really is a Muslim Allah? Am I an Edeline that deserves death... or am I a good enough person in Allah's eyes to walk with him one day?
What if there is no God? Would being a good person even matter? What would determine good from bad without the morality of religions across the world? Would we just be a bunch of self servicing savages or would we still be the pack animals that humans are?
What if... none of it mattered, we kept our bullshit to ourselves, and made it our way of life to do what's best for the people that we share our brief time on earth with?
