Too Much Free Time

When was the last time you turned off your cell phone, turned off the radio or TV, and simply put life on hold for just a moment?  The idea of quieting the hustle and bustle of the everyday running to and fro, in a constant state of “go” is, for lack of a better word, terrifying.  Imagine the thoughts that would creep through your mind if you stopped chasing the proverbial white rabbit for just a little while.  Would you actually notice the neighbor that you carpool every week with?  Would you realize that you hate your neighbor that you carpool with every week?  Would the musings that fill your brain actually lead you to discover that you have regrets?  Or, would you be capable of clearing your mind of all the clutter and allow yourself to get to know you again?

I recently had this conversation with a friend of mine.  She suggested to me that I turn everything off for about 20 minutes to let my mind wander, and later reassess where my thoughts went.  At first, I laughed at the idea of even HAVING 20 minutes of free time where my mind would be allowed to rest, but curiosity got the better of me.  A few very short days later, my daughter started playing volleyball for her middle school and I found myself with an extra hour of time that had previously been blocked out for “mom stuff”.

I could have run errands, there is never enough time to get that done without the kids.  I could have knocked out some homework, but that didn’t sound like fun at the moment.  There were dishes in the sink, but that’s just a waste of free time!  I stood in my living room looking around for something to do, and I opted to do nothing.  I flopped myself down on my old cushy leather sofa and turned myself into a vegetable for the better part of that hour.  Where did my mind go?  Well, it sort of bounced around my skull like a ping pong ball in a fish tank.

I need new ink for the printer.

I hope Ed is getting Jen’s packages in Afghanistan

I really love the shade of brown that I painted the living room.

I wonder what time it is in London.

I need to send the Netflix movies back.

I need to water the plants.

Damn, I miss sex… and so on.

Seriously, I had random, useless thoughts going through my head like that for an hour!  When it came time to get back to life, I took a moment to think about what I thought about.   There was no great epiphany.   No mind blowing realization about the meaning of life.  They were simple, mundane, simple housewife thoughts… well most of them anyway.  The missing sex brought me in a whole new direction…. And those thoughts will NOT be shared on this blog.  Maybe Maxim.  Playboy?  Naw, Penthouse or Hustler would probably be best…..  Oops, guess I did it again!

My point is, my friend told me to be prepared  to realize that I might be boring.  And, while my thoughts were quite mundane, I don’t think I am boring.  I think that I am content.  If I die tonight, I’m quite sure I can pass into the afterlife knowing that I did good.  I have two beautiful children that are smart, talented, and healthy.  I have a wonderful husband whom I given my everything to willfully and joyfully.  I have friends and family that have held me and supported me when I thought I didn’t have the strength to stand on my own.  I’ve made mistakes, God knows I’ve made mistakes, but I have learned from them and walked away a better, stronger person.  I have chosen school recitals over Broadway shows, high school homecoming over the Superbowl, and Spaghettio’s on the living room floor over pasta under the Eifel Tower.  That’s not boring, that’s perfection in the greatest sense of the word.