Stepford Wife: Day 1

OH BLOODY HELL!!!  Who these suburban housewives that always have it all together???  There is NO WAY they can possibly be truly happy!!!  They wouldn't have time to!  No wonder all these men with the "perfect family" never freaking get laid... their wives are too damn exhausted!!!

My day started at 5am when the alarm on my phone went off.  The phone, for good reasons, is across the room on the windowsill.  When I opened my eyes and looked out of my bedroom window, I saw that it was as dark out then as it was when i went to bed.  I hit snooze... twice.

At 5:15 I rolled out of bed and turned my phone off... but not before sticking my tongue out at it.  I even cussed it out a little bit in my head.  That'll show Apple for making such annoying alarm tones!  John's alarm wasn't set to go off until 5:30, so I stumbled through the dark into the master bath in our bedroom and shut the door before turning on the light.  I stubbed my freaking toe, but at least it didn't wake John up.

I had the foresight the night before to put my clothes into the bathroom, because God knows I highly pissed off when John wakes me up in the morning at the ass crack of dawn when he's getting ready.  I slipped into a knee length black skirt with a Grandma flower print on it.  A white ribbed shirt and fitted black jacket finished the ensemble.  In all my brilliance I went to bed with wet hair... so for the next 30 minutes I spent some much needed quality time with my straightener and a brush.  I slapped some make up on, opting for lip gloss instead of lipstick because I'm pretty sure the proper Stepford wife does NOT wear Come Fuck Me Red before 9 p.m.

By this point it was nearly 6am (seriously and hour to get ready?!?!) and time to wake Jaydan up.  I found my black heels, slipped them on, and went to wake Jay up.  On the way, I flipped on the dryer so that he could have warm clothes to put on once he got out of the shower.  Once I was sure he was awake, I fought the urge to climb back into my bed and went into the kitchen to start some much needed coffee.  I pulled some bacon out of the fridge and got that going while I mixed up some pancake batter and dug the blueberries out.  Jaydan got out of the shower at 6:30 and I put his food in front of him before I went to wake Kaitlyn up.  Once she was in the shower, I cooked her breakfast as well.  I drove Jay to school and came back a few minutes before John got home from the gym.  I heard the garage door open, poured him a cup of coffee, and handed it to him when he walked in.  I then started cooking HIS bacon and pancakes.  I had to leave by 8am for school, and had not stopped going since 5:15... oh, and I hadn't managed to feed myself before school either!

After school I went grocery shopping, ran by the Class Six to pick up some wine and some beer for John.  I'm pretty sure he was testing me when he asked for it.  I just smiled and said "Yes Dear".  I came home and unloaded the groceries, switched out the laundry, folded the laundry (shit, I have another load to fold before bed!) washed my comforter, switched the sheets off my bed because *censored* but that's all good, it was worth it!  I took a 40 minute break to catch up on one of the shows that John and I watch together, because he wanted to catch up on this weeks with me.  (I could have a worse husband lol)

After that, I started dinner.  Grilled chicken and mozzarella ravioli, homemade garlic and herb breadsticks, and a nice salad.  In the meantime I coached Kaitlyn and Christine on their National Anthem duet (they made some progress today) and switched out yet another load of laundry. 

Now, dinner is done, the kitchen is clean, I have yet to finish the laundry or bring the comforter upstairs.  Instead, I choose to sit at my computer sipping on a glass of wine to recount my day.  It was a constant Go Go Go day, and I'm sure the rest will be more of the same.  I have come to realize that I am NOT a robot and I cannot be a TRUE Stepford, but I will do my best to emulate "perfection".  It was pretty funny to see the look on John's face when he walked in from the gym at 7am to see me, hair done, make up on, and in heels wit ha cup of coffee in my hand for him.  I'm not sure if he was scared it had arsenic in it or if I had been abducted and swapped by aliens.  When Jennifer came over, the look on her face was about the same lol.  Tomorrow should be interesting.  Jaydan has a football game, and how do I be Little Mrs. Perfect and a football mom at the same time?  Does Mrs. Suburbia really yell at the top of her lungs "COME ON JAYDAN, HIT SOMEONE FOR MOMMY!!!" ????  I'm sure that the whole cussing out the refs will be a bad idea too.... and, what does June Cleaver wear to sporting events?  Aw well, we shall see!