Statistic gone right

I was your everyday average juvenile deliqiuent.  I was headed down a dangerous road paved with sex, drugs, and Nirvana.  I stood exactly 100 feet away from my high school so that I could smirk defiantly at the teachers while I smoked my cigarettes.  I skipped more classes than I attended my junior year, and when I did go I had no idea where some of my classes were.  Then I got pregnant at 17 years old.  Yup, I was a statistic destined for poverty and drug abuse.

Seven months after looking in disbelief at the EPT (short for emergency pregnancy test) I held Jay in my arms.  His black hair stuck to his head, his little nose was wrinkled, his foot poked out of the blanket that he was swaddled in, and his eyes looked right into my heart.  It was like I had known him my entire life and a flood of emotions washed over me like I cannot describe.  Even though I was stoned out of my mind.. AFTER delivery... so they whisked him away so that I could rest.  I found myself rubbing my belly and feeling empty inside, I wanted my baby with me.  Even at that point, however, I still don't think that the idea that life was changing had fully hit me.

I was a headstrong and bitchy teenager (shocker right?) and I wanted to see my baby once I got to my room.  Those nurses wouldn't give him to me for one reason or another, and by the time he was ready to come see me... I was hemoraging and terrified.  I can pinpoint the exact moment my life changed.  The charge bitch.. err, nurse... was in my room to monitor my bleeding.  She was refusing to call my doctor and she was chewing me out for sneaking downstairs to have a cigarette before the bleeding started.  A CNA came in, wheeling my baby in his little bassinette and said "Look who came to see Mommy!"  The charge nurse turned around, looked at the girl, and said "No.  She doesn't need to see that baby right now.  She's bleeding too heavy and I need to figure out what to do."

I thought to myself, "Oh my God, this is bad and she won't call my doctor.  I'm going to die right now and I will never know him and he'll never know me!"  I wondered what would happen to him.  Would he go into child care?  Would John take him or abandon him?  Would my mom take care of him?  Would John's mom fight for him?  Would he know how much I loved him?  I watched helplessly as the young CNA wheeled him out of my room.  Tears streamed down my face as I thought that the tiny glimpse of his black hair would be the last time I ever saw him.  That was when my life changed.  I needed to live because I knew that nobody could take care of him the way that I would.  I needed to survive because nobody would love him like I could.  I had to grow up because he needed a mom, and nobody would ever be that except for me. 

The next day, when the bleeding had slowed down, the same CNA came back into my room with my son.  She handed him over to me and smiled down... then she was gone because it was only me and him in the whole world.  The moment was merely a moment... John, my mom, his mom, my friends all started streaming in after that.  But, I had that one moment alone in the world with him when I knew that he had not only changed my life, but he had saved it as well.  Happy 15th Birthday, Jaydan.  Mommy loves you.