Up In Smoke

Fire. 

It requires oxygen to survive.  It consumes everything in its path in order to survive.  It dances, it grows, it's fascinating, it's hypnotic, it's beautiful, and it destroys everything in its path with a raging fury.  Do not doubt for a moment that it is alive.  It will choke you, it will deceive you, it will take everything you hold dear, and it doesn't care about your hopes, dreams, prayers, tears, or pleas for mercy.

Just outside my door there is a pillar that stretches into the sky.  When I look out it's sometimes hard to decipher what is smoke and what is cloud.  Along the ridge of the mountain little smoke stacks dot the horizon proving just how much the little spark has grown.  Even with the helicopters and airplanes assisting the hundreds of firefighters on the ground, the four day old blaze is still only 5% contained.

I am afraid.  Not for the safety of my family or for my belongings - I will get my loved ones out of danger before I let them get harmed, and everything material can be replaced - but I fear for the firefighters that are in the thick of the flames.  Those brave men and women are on the mountain sides digging trenches, hosing down the areas, clearing terrains... all with natures fury surrounding them.  I can't imagine the heat that such a rampant fire puts out as it is fueled by the forest undergrowth and trees.  I know that the smoke, ash, and debris that is polluting their air supply.  And, I can't fathom the sensation that goes through their minds when a wall of fire is right in front of them.  Is it fear? Doom? Exhilaration? Excitement?  A combination of everything, or something indescribable in itself?

I am afraid for the families of those firefighters.  Their children, their spouses, their parents, and their friends.  What do they feel when that phone call comes in and they watch their hero walk out the door?  I'm married to a soldier, I thought I knew what it was like to be afraid, but as I watch this fire grow and expand endlessly I am beginning to think that I don't have a clue.  When he is deployed I can avoid watching the news if I want to.  I can take it at face value that he's "fine" and that all is well.  I can happily listen to the tone of his voice and know that he's behind the wire and that he is just fine.  I can easily fool myself into believing that he is safe and that there is no reason that he won't be home in my arms again.

The wives of the firefighters up there don't have that luxury.  Every time they look to the west there's the imminent danger that is threatening their family.  It hovers on the horizon, dancing and stretching its fingers further and further as if to laugh and mock them... "I am here, he is here, and there's nothing that you can do but watch me destroy everything."  A friend of mine tells me that her husband is on standby, and when he gets the call he'll be out there for 14 days.  I am an Army wife, I thought I was of the strongest breed of woman out there.  I now know that I am wrong.  My entire outlook has gone up in smoke along with thousands of acres of forest along those beautiful mountains.  I'm not saying that they are stronger or that I am somehow weaker but I know that I couldn't handle watching the enemy attack my husband day after day.  I've come to realize, it takes a special breed to to accept the danger that comes with loving a hero; be it a soldier, a police officer, or a firefighter.  My hat is off to the wives and husbands, and my prayers are with their heroes.