The Creepy Guy in the Basement...

In March I was anxiously awaiting the return of my husband from Iraq.  He had been gone eight long months and the thought of having him home was threaded through every thought that I had.  Doing the dishes… there would be another plate to wash soon.  Watching TV… we would be watching his shows soon enough.  Going to the bathroom and showering… I would have to share a bathroom again soon.  None of that mattered, what mattered was that he would be home again and our family would be complete again… at least until the Army saw fit to pull it apart again.  

However, his homecoming was also to be combined with the arrival of our friend, Harmon.  Without divulging all of his personal information on my public blog, Harmon is a friend of ours from WAY back when.  He PCS’d to Colorado shortly after John got home, and due to some personal issues, he needed a place to crash for a few months until he deployed.  We took him into our home and John gave up the Man Cave so that Harmon could have his own space.  Now, the Man Cave is in the basement, so Harmon quickly became “The Creepy Guy In The Basement”

Well, Harmon’s 3 months turned into about 6-7 months but it didn’t really take much of a toll on our family.  In fact, it amazed me at how quickly he fell into our routines and simply became a norm in our household.  He filled in a gap in our family that I didn’t know was there.  John desperately needed another man around to talk Army with after a deployment, Jaydan needed a “big brother” during his transition into high school, Kaitlyn needed someone to treat her like a princess… because I sure as Hell got over that a long time ago… and me, well, I guess I thought I needed someone to help.

John had to go away to this school and that school during the 7 months Harmon was here.  This is not new… when John is “home” that simply means he’s not in Iraq or an Icky-Stan in the Middle East.  He can be in Oregon, Washington, North Carolina, freaking ENGLAND (asshole)… and I’m left holding the bag as the married single mom.  Having Harmon here really helped during John’s recent TDY’s…

You see, that last deployment John went on was by far the hardest deployment I’ve ever endured in the 14 years I’ve been an Army wife.  The separation was a bitch, and a lot of bad things happened in my personal life; my last surviving grandparent passed away, my nephew was in an almost fatal car accident, all the kids and I got H1N1, and I started to realize who my friends really were.  Yeah, I know, wah wah wah… my point is, with John going TDY so much after that deployment, I’m pretty sure I would have lost my mind without Harmon here.  I thought I needed someone to help, a project if you will…. But the truth is, I needed someone to help ME. 

Now John is home from England, and it doesn’t look like he’s going anywhere else anytime soon… and we dropped Harmon off at his unit along with all of his stuff.  He’ll be spending the next year in Afghanistan.  He’s probably on a plane right now, flying through the cold dark night, hopefully sleeping and not missing us as much as we already miss him.  I didn’t think it would be so hard to send him off, but he is as much as a part of this family as the rest of us, and we are already counting down the days for him to be safely back in the United States.  Stay safe our brother and friend… you are loved.

Too Much Free Time

When was the last time you turned off your cell phone, turned off the radio or TV, and simply put life on hold for just a moment?  The idea of quieting the hustle and bustle of the everyday running to and fro, in a constant state of “go” is, for lack of a better word, terrifying.  Imagine the thoughts that would creep through your mind if you stopped chasing the proverbial white rabbit for just a little while.  Would you actually notice the neighbor that you carpool every week with?  Would you realize that you hate your neighbor that you carpool with every week?  Would the musings that fill your brain actually lead you to discover that you have regrets?  Or, would you be capable of clearing your mind of all the clutter and allow yourself to get to know you again?

I recently had this conversation with a friend of mine.  She suggested to me that I turn everything off for about 20 minutes to let my mind wander, and later reassess where my thoughts went.  At first, I laughed at the idea of even HAVING 20 minutes of free time where my mind would be allowed to rest, but curiosity got the better of me.  A few very short days later, my daughter started playing volleyball for her middle school and I found myself with an extra hour of time that had previously been blocked out for “mom stuff”.

I could have run errands, there is never enough time to get that done without the kids.  I could have knocked out some homework, but that didn’t sound like fun at the moment.  There were dishes in the sink, but that’s just a waste of free time!  I stood in my living room looking around for something to do, and I opted to do nothing.  I flopped myself down on my old cushy leather sofa and turned myself into a vegetable for the better part of that hour.  Where did my mind go?  Well, it sort of bounced around my skull like a ping pong ball in a fish tank.

I need new ink for the printer.

I hope Ed is getting Jen’s packages in Afghanistan

I really love the shade of brown that I painted the living room.

I wonder what time it is in London.

I need to send the Netflix movies back.

I need to water the plants.

Damn, I miss sex… and so on.

Seriously, I had random, useless thoughts going through my head like that for an hour!  When it came time to get back to life, I took a moment to think about what I thought about.   There was no great epiphany.   No mind blowing realization about the meaning of life.  They were simple, mundane, simple housewife thoughts… well most of them anyway.  The missing sex brought me in a whole new direction…. And those thoughts will NOT be shared on this blog.  Maybe Maxim.  Playboy?  Naw, Penthouse or Hustler would probably be best…..  Oops, guess I did it again!

My point is, my friend told me to be prepared  to realize that I might be boring.  And, while my thoughts were quite mundane, I don’t think I am boring.  I think that I am content.  If I die tonight, I’m quite sure I can pass into the afterlife knowing that I did good.  I have two beautiful children that are smart, talented, and healthy.  I have a wonderful husband whom I given my everything to willfully and joyfully.  I have friends and family that have held me and supported me when I thought I didn’t have the strength to stand on my own.  I’ve made mistakes, God knows I’ve made mistakes, but I have learned from them and walked away a better, stronger person.  I have chosen school recitals over Broadway shows, high school homecoming over the Superbowl, and Spaghettio’s on the living room floor over pasta under the Eifel Tower.  That’s not boring, that’s perfection in the greatest sense of the word.